Bait and Switch

My mother, in all of her wisdom, decided that the very first food I should eat after runny old rice cereal would be avocado.  Bleh.  Talk about a food that needs a personality.  I appreciate the pretty color and velvety texture, but I didn't think it was especially yummy.  I hear avocados are good for our bodies--and good for them--but they could use some adjustment in the flavor department.  Maybe a little lime, a hint of garlic, some onion and tomato chunks all spread atop something flat and crunchy to add more texture...now there's an idea waiting to pop.  

Anyway, I distinctly recall that the food I was promised after our foray into avocados was sweet potato.  That is not what went down, people.  "Why would your mother promise you something and then fail to deliver?" you may be wondering.  Well, let me explain.  My mom and her friend Aileen were talking, and Aileen told my mom that I would love sweet potato so much that I wouldn't want to eat anything else.  I guess Kingston started boycotting squash and green beans after he had a mouthful of that golden goodness.  So what does my mom do?  On our walk Tuesday evening, she stops at the market and buys organic broccoli instead.  

Let's start with this: if it looks like a tree and tastes like a tree, is it really meant to be eaten?  Would you eat a tree in the park?  People should eat things that grow on trees, not actual trees--no matter how small.

Let me tell you something else: that stuff smells just putrid.  She steamed it up for ten minutes and then started pureeing it, and I literally thought I would rather stick my head inside the dirty diaper bin than breathe in that stink.  It was like grass clippings and rotten leaves and cow manure and moldy tennis shoes blended into one noxious fume.  The entire house smelled of it.  The whole time she was "cooking," I kept thinking, "I sure feel bad for Dad.  She's making something pretty awful for dinner tonight."  Then I saw her put it in my baby food storage containers, and I knew I was in for it.

For three days, Mom tried to get me to eat ground up little trees, and for three days I held her off.  I thought I made my feelings clear on Day One, but it apparently took two more days to really get it through her head.  I don't eat little trees, and I don't eat food that smells like poop.

And I want to punch Aileen in the face.


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